The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. — Robert Frost
You’re a manager, director, or VP. People report to you. How should you treat them?
There’s only one right answer to this one: You treat them politely, and with respect and kindness. Unfailingly.
Seems obvious. But think back to a time when someone on your team made you really, really mad. Whatever it is they did, you thought it was absolutely obvious they shouldn’t have made that choice. Did you use sarcasm or any sort of general snarkiness? Did you immediately dress them down and feel better afterwards? If so then read on — what you did was bad for them, bad for you, and bad for the business.
In a 2014 HBR article, Employees Who Feel Love Perform Better, researchers reported that across multiple industries, a caring culture at the office leads to better job satisfaction, increased commitment to the organization, and higher accountability to performance. Further, managers set the tone for the culture.
Sure, everyone loses their temper sometimes, that is human. The trouble starts when you translate anger into disrespectful communication. Dr. John Gottman famously identified these “horsemen of the apocalypse”: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Another bad approach is starting your communication with an angry question like “what were you thinking!?” In this 2016 Forbes article, Amy Morin reported that incivility in the workplace spreads, and costs the business real money. As a leader, you are responsible to model better behavior.
Let’s add to our imaginative exercise: suppose your team member did something that made you really, really mad. Then imagine they had a really, really good reason for doing it. If you start the conversation with contempt, harshness, and disrespect, do you think you’ll find out what that reason was? Not likely, and that’s a big lost opportunity for you, and your company.
So in this season of darkness let’s remember: the sun is just below the horizon, and love and hope will sustain us until it returns.